Kaorin and Kimura together
by jamesbondkid2001
Summary: I put Kaorin and Kimura together in a fanfic.  Kaorin: YOU DID WHAT!


(_Kimura, Kaorin, and JBK2K1 are all standing in a room. Kaorin looks mortified_)

JBK2K1: OK, so, I guess you read the description, and came to check out the fic. And yes, you read right. I'm putting Kimura and Kaorin together in a fanfic.

Kimura: (_tears 'river'ing down his face in happiness_) Finally! Kaorin and I are together in a fanfiction! Thank you so much, JBK2K1!

Kaorin: (S_till mortified_) How could you do this, JBK?!

JBK: Oh, it was actually quite easy. I actually got the idea sitting on the internet realizing that nobody wrote one about you two together.

Kimura: (_turns toward Kaorin_)Now you and I shall be together forever!!

(_Kaorin begins to cry, as she falls to her knees_)

Kaorin: BUT YOU PUT ME TOGETHER IN AZUMANGA DAIOH RETURNS WITH KAGURA SO NICELY!! WHY, JBK, WHY?!

Kimura: Oh, it's obvious I'm his favorite character.

JBK: No, Sakaki is.

Kimura: Oh. (_moment of silence_) Oh, well. Come, Kaorin, honey, let's get this fanfic under way.

Kaorin: (_still crying on her knees_) DON'T CALL ME HONEY!

(_Sakaki, Chiyo, Kagura, Tomo, and Osaka all run in_)

Tomo: Did I hear that right?! Kaorin is in a fanfiction with Kimura?!

JBK: You heard right.

Chiyo: Why would you do something so mean?! You were so nice when you gave boyfriends to everybody!

Tomo: Well, maybe not to me. I still hate mine for peeing on the seat.

Yomi: We are getting off the subject.

Osaka: Makes you wonder, how can you be on or off a subject? (_looks under her feet_) I don't see any 'subject' down there.

Chiyo: (_Ignores Osaka_) JBK, seriously, what would make you want to do something so evil as to put Kimura and Kaorin together?!

Tomo: (_eyes narrowed evilly_) Maybe he's planning on them having sex…

Sakaki: (_face turns beat red in embarrasement_) He…wouldn't…

Kimura: (_glasses glint_) I like that idea…

Kaorin: (_first looks over at JBK in shock, then curls up and begins to cry heartfully_) My life is over!! This is worse than everything Anime-Rebirth has done to me put together!! (_cries harder_)

(_Nyamo, Yukari, and Chihiro now all run in_)

Nyamo: (_runs over to JBK_) What the hell is wrong with you?! Putting Kaorin with Kimura! It's absolutely repulsive!

Tomo: And he plans on making them have sex!

Yukari: (_smacks JBK's head_) That is sick! Now, if anybody is going to have sex in a fanfic, it's going to be me, and it's going to be with some hot guy!

Kimura: (_trying to get everybody's attention_) Excuse me…

Nyamo: Oh, right. As if you and some hot guy could ever have sex.

Yukari: (_glares evilly at Nyamo_) I believe I've had better boyfriends than you have…

(_That comment by Yukari instigates a verbal fight between her and Nyamo_)

Chihiro: Hey, shouldn't we be focused on helping Kaorin here?

Kagura: Yeah, but seriously, what are we going to do? The only time any character has grabbed control of a fanfic was with Kaorin and Anime-Rebirth.

Osaka: We could always ask the aliens to help.

(_The Azu-girls stare at Osaka ridiculously. Meanwhile, Yukari and Nyamo continue to fight_)

Nyamo: And what about that boyfriend you had in high school?! He had zits all over his face!

Yukari: Better than the fattie you were dating!!

Yomi: Hey! I resent that remark!

Tomo: Hey, Yomi, if a fat guy can date a hottie like Nyamo, looks like you've got some hope!

Yomi: (_karate chops Tomo's head_) Shut up! At least I can get a boyfriend! You would probably annoy the heck out of the one you would have!!

Tomo: (_rubbing her head_) Well, at least I got a boyfriend in Azu-Daioh Returns!! What did you get?! Nothing but heartbreak!!

Chiyo: (_now helping Chihiro try to calm everybody down_) Could we please focus on Kaorin here?

Chihiro: C'mon guys! Quit fighting! Please!!

(_Sakaki notices JBK talking to Kaorin, who has stopped crying. JBK now walks over to Kimura, and talks to him. Kimura nods his head, and JBK walks back to the group_)

(_JBK pulls a whistle out of his pocket and blows hard, which gets the attention of everybody in the group_)

JBK: OK, now that I have your attention, could everybody please exit so that we may leave Kaorin and Kimura alone?

Tomo: (_points accusing finger at JBK_) Why, so you can make them have sex in private?!

Osaka: Or implant alien eggs in their brains?! Or clone them?!

Chihiro: You won't! You can't!

Chiyo: (_crosses her arms_) We'll never leave! Not until you promise that nothing is going between those two!

Everybody else: Yeah!!

(_JBK sighs. He puts the whistle back into his pocket, whispers "author control" and snaps his fingers. The girls immediately get a far-off look in their eyes)_

JBK: Now please exit so that Kimura and Kaorin can have their peace.

All: (_In an automated monotone_) Yes, JBK.

(_All the girls and JBK exit, leaving only Kimura and Kaorin in the room_)

…

(_Outside, JBK resnaps his fingers, and all the girls snap out of his control_)

Chiyo: What was that for?!

JBK: You weren't leaving, so I had to control you. It was only for a few minutes, jeez.

(_The girls all look at him, now shocked. Chihiro falls to her knees, crying_)

Chihiro: Now Kaorin and Kimura are in a fanfiction by themselves, and there's nothing we can do about it!! (_cries harder_)

JBK: (_acts like it's common knowledge_) Well, yeah. Why are you guys so upset?

Chiyo: Everybody knows Kaorin hates Kimura!

Yomi: Yeah! Why would you put them together in a fanfiction?!

JBK: Oh, perhaps you misunderstood me. I'm putting those two together in this fanfic…and I'm giving Kaorin access to my weapon cabinet.

All: (_surprised_) Huh?!

…

Kimura: (_watching JBK exit door with the girls_) Well, Kaorin, looks like it's just you and me…

(_He turns around to find Kaorin with bullets wrapped around her body like Rambo. She's holding guns in both hands, and there are too many other weapons to count behind her, to the left of her, to the right of her, and even above her_)

Kaorin: (_looking evilly happy_) heh…heh…heh…heh…Reeeveeenge….

Kimura: (_almost whimpering_) Kaorin?

…

(_JBK and all the girls hear guns firing, lasers going off, energy cannons fired, missiles exploding, tie-fighter shots, windows '. wav' noises, and many other sounds of chaos._)

(_after about 5 minutes, the noises finally stop_)

Chiyo: So…is it over?

(_Kaorin walks out, looking happier than ever_)

Kaorin: So, shall we go?

Chihiro: uh…sure, let's go!

Yukari: (_Pump-fisting into the air_) All right! Drinks on Nyamo!

Tomo: (_Also pump fists into the air_) All right!! Drinking!!

Nyamo: Hey! I never agreed to paying!!

(_All the girls leave, not the least bit concerned about Kimura. Sakaki and JBK stay back._)

JBK: Well, I think that's a happy ending…

(_Sakaki turns JBK's head, and lays a big kiss on his lips_)

(_Sakaki pulls back, leaving JBK standing there, stunned and blushing_)

Sakaki: I think it's very nice what you did for Kaorin. Thank you.

(_She bows, and then runs to catch up to the Azu-girls_)

JBK: (_slightly stunned_) Wow…(_pump-fists_) THAT WAS AN AWESOME ENDING!!

(_Kimura comes crawling out of the room. He is completely covered in soot_)

Kimura: Ow….wait…ow…this isn't a happy ending for me…

JBK: You're the comic relief in this fic. You don't get a happy ending. And now we have to end it.

Kimura: No, wait…!

(_JBK snaps his fingers, and the screen goes black_)

Kimura: (_still being heard_) But what about the sex?!

…

Author's notes: Well, this is my first one-shot. Hope it worked out OK!

Chiyo: Hold it!!

JBK: What now, Chiyo? The fanfic is over…

Chiyo: I'm just wondering. I know that you probably told Kaorin that you were giving her the key to your weapon cabinet, but what did you tell Kimura? He didn't seem to know what Kaorin was doing…

JBK: I simply told him that I was going to move everybody else out of the room, so he and Kaorin could move on with the fanfic.

Chiyo: (_thinks about it for a moment_) And if you think about it, you're actually telling the truth that way…

JBK: Precisely.

Chiyo: OK, you can end it now

Thanks for reading and please review!!

JBK2K1

Kimura: And if you review badly, both Michael Jackson and I will show up at your house, and…

JBK: Quit threatening the readers, or I'll put you both in another fic just like this one.

Kimura: You are a spawn of evil.

JBK: (smiling evilly) hehe…and proud of it…


End file.
